On Becoming, Expanding, or Staying
A grounded way to think about whether you want a child… or another one
Shared in reflection for Mother’s Day
Women have always been creators.
Not because we have to be, but because creation takes many forms.
Motherhood is one expression of that.
But so is building a business, shaping a life, holding a community,
becoming someone new.
—
We rigorously plan careers, finances, and timelines.
But one of the most life-shaping decisions a woman can make
is often navigated internally, without real structure or support.
Whether that decision is:
Do I want to become a mother?
Do I want to expand my motherhood, or is my family complete?
Do I feel called to create in other ways outside of motherhood?
—
Let’s change that.
First—
If you are a mother currently, let’s celebrate you.
You are doing work that sustains families, communities, and society,
and you deserve to be recognized as such.
Your life has changed.
Your identity may have shifted.
Your body, your brain, your relationships, your time, your sense of self.
Whether your path to motherhood was biological, chosen, adoptive, fostered, blended,
or formed through caregiving and kinship—
you have held something profound.
You are remarkable.
Not a mother?
Unsure if you want to be
Wanting to become one
Certain you don’t
Or perhaps you are not currently mothering a child,
or you are mothering in a way the world does not always formally recognize.
Wherever you fall, there is space for you here.
And support for that path.
Questioning if your mothering journey feels complete?
Maybe you are already a mother,
and find yourself wondering
if your family is complete
or still unfolding.
This question can be quiet.
It can show up in passing moments,
in conversations with others,
or in the stillness when you finally have a second to think.
It does not always come with urgency.
Sometimes it comes as a soft wondering.
And it deserves just as much space.
Before we get into anything else—
Most women are not lacking information.
They are lacking space to think clearly about their own lives.
To feel what is actually true for them,
outside of timelines, expectations, or pressure.
—
And for many women, this question is not made in a vacuum.
It can be shaped by:
culture
family expectations
religion
partnership
age and timing
money
health
grief
and the messages we inherited about what makes a woman “complete”
This is why the question deserves more than a quick yes or no.
—
And still, it helps to be oriented.
Some grounded truths
(for education, not medical advice)
If you are thinking about conceiving
Ovulation typically happens about 10–16 days before your next period, not always on day 14
The fertile window spans the 5–6 days leading up to ovulation
Sperm can live in the body for up to 5 days
The egg lives for about 12–24 hours after ovulation
For some, conception happens through sex.
For others, it may involve donor sperm, IUI, IVF, surrogacy, or other assisted pathways.
You can begin to understand your fertile window by tracking:
basal body temperature (BBT)
cervical fluid
cervix position
As well as tools like LH strips or hormone readers such as the Mira fertility tracker.
A note here
Motherhood is not only biological.
Some women become mothers through pregnancy.
Some through adoption, fostering, step-parenting, or other forms of caregiving and kinship.
If you are being called into motherhood, there are many ways that path can unfold.
And while this space centers women and womanhood,
I recognize that these experiences are not always held in one way.
If you have been trying to conceive and have been unable to,
or have not been able to hold a pregnancy,
I want to say this clearly:
I see you.
And I hold you.
This is a deeply delicate space to navigate.
It deserves time, care, and thoughtful investigation.
That might look like:
working with your doctor or fertility specialist
and alongside that, seeking emotional or whole-person support
connecting with midwives, acupuncturists, NDs, or trusted practitioners
You don’t have to move through that alone.
If you are actively trying NOT to become pregnant
Pregnancy can occur any time sperm meets an egg, even when timing feels unlikely
Cycle tracking can be effective, but only when practiced with accuracy and consistency
Barrier methods reduce risk immediately
Hormonal and non-hormonal options exist, each with different considerations
If something did not go as planned,
emergency contraception and medical guidance may be time-sensitive options to explore.
A quick note:
Cycle apps can be helpful for tracking patterns,
but they use algorithms.
They are not reading your body in real time.
If you are relying on cycle tracking, you need to be observing:
basal body temperature
cervical fluid
cervix positioning
And tracking patterns closely.
—
Some of these tools require time, money, consistency, or access to care.
Start where you are.
Body literacy should be supportive, not another source of pressure.
Do I want to become a mother?
This question can carry a host of emotions:
curiosity
fear
guilt
worry
excitement
longing
possibility
It can feel expansive…
uncertain…
restrictive…
or all at the same time.
Do I want to expand my motherhood?
If you are already a mother, this is a different question.
Not just:
Can I have another child?
But:
Do I want to return to early motherhood?
Do I have the capacity to hold more?
Does my life feel ready to stretch… or asking to stabilize?
Sometimes the desire is clear.
Sometimes it is layered.
And sometimes the question is not about another child,
but about honoring the life you’ve already built.
And then there’s the deeper question
The one that doesn’t get answered by timelines or information.
Underneath all of this is:
What am I being called to create in this season of my life?
—
Because this decision is not only biological.
It is:
emotional
structural
relational
embodied
It lives in your body.
And in the life you’ve built.
The questions that actually matter
When you slow down enough to listen,
clarity often lives beneath the noise.
What does my body feel when I imagine becoming a mother… or expanding my family?
Do I have the support to hold this well?
Am I craving expansion… or more stability within what already exists?
What would need to change for this to feel aligned?
If I removed time pressure, what would I choose?
These are not questions you rush.
They are questions you sit with.
If you’re in this question
If you’ve been sitting in the in-between
turning this over quietly in your mind
feeling both possibility and hesitation
whether that is about becoming a mother
or deciding if your family is complete
I created something I wish more women had access to.
🌊 The Motherhood Decision Tool
This is where most women begin to find clarity.
A guided quiz and decision-making framework
to help you explore:
your capacity
your desire
your support
your life as it actually exists
Whether you are considering your first child
or wondering if there is space for another.
Not to tell you what to choose.
But to help you understand yourself more clearly as you do.
👉 Take the Motherhood Decision Tool
If you want to go deeper
For some women, a quiz is enough to bring clarity.
For others, this decision asks for more space, conversation, and support.
This is the work I do inside my 1:1 sessions.
Together, we look at:
your body and nervous system capacity
your real life structure and support
your desires, separate from external pressure
what this season of your life is asking of you
So you can move forward with clarity, not confusion.
👉 You can explore working together here.
And if you are wondering—
What is BBT?
What is cervical fluid?
How do I track my cycle?
You are not alone.
I offer monthly group classes on cycle literacy, paired with breathwork, in Escondido, California, as well as 1:1 and virtual sessions.
However you meet this moment
Whether you are:
celebrating
grieving
becoming
expanding
deciding
or complete
Your experience of womanhood is valid.
Your decisions deserve to be made with care.